My brain is seriously shutting off from it. Protective defense mechanism I guess, so that I don't go insane.
I see things on the news, almost nightly, about budget cuts, or the latest protest, and it all seems to bounce off now.
I just got an email last Friday, that next year I will no longer be in my current position from the past 3 years. I barely even reacted. I'm sad, yes, but there's nothing I can do. I will end up where I end up I guess.
I would like to say it's my zen, go with the flow personality, but I think it's much more that I just can't take on anymore stressful or toxic words and events.
I'm sitting here today on my prep, and it's nothing new, but the complete lack of respect for rules from about 60% of the students (I'm probably being generous) at this particular neighborhood HS just astounds me. Most of the kids don't really know me, as I'm only here one day a week, but I've been here for 3 years and they do recognize my face in the halls. Nonetheless, I get cursed out frequently. I barely react to that either. It's just sad. I just don't let it get through the walls anymore.
I have decidedly surrounded myself in a protective bubble from all toxic things that the School District of Philadelphia throws our way as teachers.
I am very positive when I see the bright spots. I run to them. I nurture the students who invite that attention.
I have great conversations with teachers and administrators who are progressive thinking and want to make changes.
I've been passionate about urban education since my years at Temple. This has not changed. I want to make a difference in the lives of my students. I want to work in any small ways I can to reform this broken system that leaves so many students without the means to succeed in the world.
I just wish that the very district that I would love so much to help...the very schools that I have poured so much passion into...would not create policies and environments where it is so hard to keep that passion alive.
So, who knows where I'll be next year. I will do the best I can, wherever I'm placed. I just hope that all that needs to be worked out this summer with school closings, teacher placement, and contract negotiations, can be done somewhat peacefully and fairly. I would like to feel some sense of renewal for the start of next school year.
I know so many teachers who really do want to make a difference, but who get burnt out quickly. These are good people, with great intentions, but it's hard when we so often aren't treated like professionals.
I really don't understand it. I mean, we all know we're being asked to move mountains with toothpicks, so it would just be nice if the policy makers and district "leaders" acknowledged that.
The state of public education, especially urban education, is ridiculously fragile....and it's not being handled with care.
But, though I barely heard the bell, I hear loud students, cursing and fighting....just had to head to the hallway to break up two young men locking arms....so that's my cue to put on my protective bubble and get back to work.